Pushing PAST the hurt

I am a very emotional person who trys to build walls up to protect me from unwanted hurt. People who have known me for a while can see beyond those walls and know when something is up with me. I have been down lately because I am about to be 26 years old (October 4) and feel as if I have done nothing.  (I mean I have done some THINGS but follow me before you throw my same talks back at me)

Growing up I always wanted to be married and have children (two to be exact) by 25. Well that won’t be happening anytime soon.

I have been looking for a full-time job since 2008…had a short stint as a foster care worker and got fired..

I do not have any savings.

I do not have the PUREST support of my family for my business endeavours.

I at times feel like I am going to fail.

I am in a graduate program I no longer want but will finish because I have just one more semester.

The talk of not having a job is a real sore subject for me especially since I have been applying for jobs that I am qualified for, but the issue I am having is that I really DON’T want to work for someone else.

I want to have some odd jobs where I work for someone else but my schedule will have to be put into the contract.  The point of this post is to tell you and myself to keep on pushing.  Your day will come!!  Keep working hard, and working on your dreams to get to where you are going. When you have a vision FOLLOW that vision even if you only have the support of God.  He will not fail you and just when you think he has forgotten about you things will have been turned around.

I may not be where I thought or feel I should be but I will be there soon.  Time out for the pitty sessions I have been giving because of others expectations on my life.  Yes times are hard, but they are not supposed to be easy. I love what I do and the progress shows. The phone calls are coming, the clients are coming, the business meetings are coming, and the speaking engagements are coming.

I know they are.

I know what I have to do to align myself to receive these abundant blessings God is going to be to showering on me soon.  The first is to STOP trying to live up to what someone one else wanted for my life. This is MY life and I have to act like it. No sense in crying over spoiled milk. Gonna wipe it up and keep on moving and trucking it along.

Thanks for reading, tell me how you push past living for YOU and no one else.


The Ending Of Relationships

The other day my ex sent me a text saying “I don’t want us to hate each other”. My response was simple. “I don’t hate you”.  My ex then sends “Well how do you feel about me” I then opened a can of feelings with my response. “I don’t hate you, but I do not like you right now”.

Did I mean for that to come off rude?
No, but was I trying to get my point across?

Yes.

That simple text message lead into a book of responses from both parties and at the end of the day we are not together because of ourselves. It’s no one elses fault but our own. I spent all summer mad at my ex because I felt that I was not apart of the reason for the demise of our relationship.

Well was it one-sided?

Hell No

Did I think I was completely innocent?

Simply yes.

And I was in a complete DENIAL. Plain and simple.

The moral of the story is to step outside of yourself when a relationship ends (romantic or friends) to see the part you played.. Everyone has a side and everything is not always the other persons fault.

It’s also important to know yourself and to have boundaries for what you will and will not accept from others.

People treat you how you allow them, if you do not know how to have a conversation without getting upset or cursing…Well something is wrong.

Learn how to treat others and accept nothing but the best.. Of course you need to make sure you’re giving back what you want from others.

Tell me how you deal with ending relationships and how you allow others to treat you.

Thank you for reading.


Meet Ashley Nash

Ashley Nash, Opelousas, LA

  1. What is your passion in life? To become the creative director of my own company and own a boutique.
  2. What is your current job? Graphic Designer [Student Worker]
  3. Do you own your own business? If so, what is the name and the mission? Urban Serenity (Jewelry and accessories company) & Fresh Perspectives Photography and Graphic Design (Photography and Graphic Design)
  4. Did you have any fears when first starting your business? No
  5. Did you have any insecurities when first starting your own business? No
  6. Describe your brand in one word. Innovative
  7. Do you have any past failures that you can tell what you did to learn from them? When attempting to take the GRE, I went in head first without trying to study. I did not get into the first grad school I wanted and I learned that I should study to be prepared.
  8. Who are your target consumers? Would you want to change this? Women for the jewelry/accessory line. A variety of people for photography and graphic design. No changes are needed thus far.
  9. What inspires you? Living my dream.
  10. Who inspires you? My mother
  11. What is always at the back of your mind? Always looking for a way to push myself or be better.
  12. What do you want to change about your job or career right now? I’d like to be doing graphic design on a more professional level.
  13. What advice do you have for others? Fears are your biggest liars.
  14. Where can we find you on the web? www.ashnash.com www.twitter.com/ashnash www.ashnash.tumblr.com www.urbanserenityonline.com

 

 


Pitching Your Services

When you are a speaker and no one really knows who you are, getting your name out in a positive way is hard at first.  Yes, you send out emails and might get a response or two but you are not getting the responses you hope for.  You are putting yourself on the line for  your business and if you are a starving entrepreneur then you are REALLY praying for someone to respond to you.  After all you are not sending out pitch emails and proposals for fun or your health.  If you have sent out 5+ emails and no one has responded to you, there is someone wrong.  Maybe they feel that they don’t need the service, or  you have not sold yourself, and there are typos in your emails. Something!

When I would send out pitch emails and proposals I would either not get a response, or I would get something like “Javania, we would love to have you come and speak to our students but there is no money in the budget to pay you”.  Now maybe some schools, NPOs, or churches really  do not have money to pay but EVERY response should not be like that.

And then I would send “I am still willing to come and speak because I need the experience” (wrong move)

I went deep and figured out what I was doing wrong.

1. I talk too much.

2. What I thought was a proposal was NOT a proposal.

3. I did not make them feel as if they needed my services over all the other people who sent pitch/proposal emails.

4. I spoke about money first.

If this is you also, it’s time to make some changes and only you know those changes, or find an editor who can help you.  They are a life saver.

The changes I made are

1. Found a editor to edit what I was sending out.

2. Stopped pressuring myself to feel as if someone needed to respond to me. (They now know where to find me)

3. Left a lasting impression so that they will feel compelled to respond.

4. Let go and Let God.

When you have a service that is needed you breathe and live for your work, and people will come.  As long as you are authentic and real in your approach, they will feel like they just have to have someone from you. So put on your thinking cap and figure out how to change your approach and you will be amazed as how many people come knocking down your door.


Encourage Yourself

Today is about making sure that you keep moving and not giving up because you may or will have to jump over hurdles or go through rivers to get something done.

It takes hard work to finish something anything, however that does not mean the finish line is not feasible.

Giving up at your first hurdle or failure should not be an option.

It is okay to mess up.

Get up and try AGAIN, and AGAIN.

If you are having a hard time finding a job, keep looking!

Something will eventually come along.

If you are having a hard time communicating with your boss or co-workers try some other methods of communication.

DO not just give up.

Figure out what to do AND deal with it.

Face your issues head on and make sure to solve them.

How do you tough it out when you are going through some rough times?

If you do not know evaluate your actions.

PSA: When I blog nine times outta ten I needed to write out motivation to myself.. This is real.  We have to encourage ourselves.

Donald Lawrence & The Tri-City Singers – Encourage Yourself

Don’t forget to leave comments below.

Thanks for visiting.


No Secrets No Lies


I let this book sit in my amazon cart for three months because I was afraid to read what it said. As someone who has and is still dealing with sexual abuse in the family I knew this book would hit home.  I kept telling myself that I did not need to read it because I already knew what it would say, and I felt that it would lead me into a depression. I would also tell myself that I can just look in the mirror and see the effects of being molested as a child.

I like to consider myself being an open book, but I have not shared with you all the worst part of self sabotaging while in college.  Yes, I have shared that I tried to commit suicide in college but the spiral I went down afterwards.  I was free and I “prided” myself on being strong. Strong I was not, I was running and hiding from a lot and I felt that I could hide it more by participating in sex.  I felt that if I continually had sex with guys my attraction to women would go away.

So have sex I did, and I would sit in my bed crying myself to sleep after having sex, not because I was having sex out-of-wedlock but because I was trying to avoid the reality of the situation. I would feel disgusted with myself and I hated looking the mirror and I projected my insecurities onto others.  I would lie to friends about what I was doing and I would get into arguments with roommates so that I could be left alone. To me facing reality and dealing with others meant that I would have to tell the truth to myself and that is not something I felt comfortable doing. My school work suffered, I gained MANY pounds. Food and alcohol became my therapy and I acted as if everything was okay, until my world came crashing down.

I am halfway through this book and will do a full review after I am done. I am LOVING what I am reading so far. I have had a couple of sad times, but the will final story for me and these women in the book will not end in sadness but empowerment.


My Life Intentions

I have been reading “Make Under My Life”  by jewelry designer and blogger Jess for the past two years.  Her mission is to live a better life with intentions and I fully understand and want the same for my life.  She has this project where other bloggers can design their life intentions and send to her to be featured on her blog.  I have had this on my to-do list for the past four months and I have finally sat my tail down and wrote them out. J I hope you all enjoy and look forward to living your life with intentions in the near future.

Do It Myself- Design Your Life

Healthy Living Intentions-

I have been working out continuously for the past seven months, I am at a place where I want to tone and loose these extra pounds.  I stopped eating fried foods, but French fries and sweets are my weakness.  I intend to stay on the path I am with my fitness even though the gym and I have a love hate relationship, I need to learn to love it always. I started smoking last year and I have been trying to stop ever since, the moment I started praying to God about it I have not wanted to smoke, but there are times when I am really stressed out that I want to smoke.

Financial Intentions-

With out giving or telling ALL of my business I was free of credit card debt January 2010..  Yeah, no longer am I free so I intend to have half of this credit card debt gone by May 2012.  I plan and intend to start saving for my next big move out of the state.  I do not know where I am moving as of now but I want to have at least $6,000 saved so I have some slicing of spending to do.  Being mindful of what I am spending, making sure it is not frivolous and that I need the item will be good for me because I use a budget but feel that after I have paid all of my bills I can just spend and spend. NOT GOOD.

Business (Career) Intentions-

I’m currently a midnight hustler, have a part-time job, I’m in graduate school, I volunteer with three different non-profit organizations, anddddd I just applied for a Full Time job at a substance abuse program that is hosted in a jail.  My business (midnight hustling) is my career; I know that my job is to help others get through life an easier way.  I love speaking to people and being able to help people by just telling my story, however I am in the position where I NEED multiple streams of income.  So I want and intend to continue to hustle hard, one day want to be full time just doing my businesses but until then I have to talk myself into going to a job to work under someone because these jobs are inline with my career.  I learn SO much on the job where I know I will be able to take it with me for my career.  So I have to remember the ultimate goal when I do go to the day job and know that one day my dreams will all be true.

Spiritual Intentions-

As I get older my faith is getting stronger.  I went through a period where I felt that I did not need to go to church to be close to God and while I still feel that, I am at a point where I want to fellowship with others who believe the same things I do so I will start to go to church and help out with the younger children in the church.  I give back to the “regular” community and I need and want to start giving back to the church community.

Social Intentions-

I am a loner and a lame.. I want to start getting out and having a life.  I can walk up to someone and start talking at a networking event, so I need to learn to do this outside of my business.  I need a life outside of my business and need to learn how to unwind and not worry about checking my email.  I have not been doing too well on the email intervention, which is why I am going to continue to do it as Jess LC does them and even with out her.  A lot of my friends complain about me not being around or coming out and falling asleep on them. (Wonder why) Just kidding I know why and I intend to change this immediately.  Oh and this includes traveling also and not worrying about if I have to go alone.  I want to live my life and have FUN!!

Emotional/Me Time Intentions-

Gorgeous upside down emotions are running through me daily.  I have so much going on, being pulled in so many different directions that I at times should say ENOUGH.  No more! BUT I do not.  I must stop and have time for me.  Stressing myself out and constantly going and going and going and being afraid to say NO will stop.  I schedule everything else in my planner but I stopped scheduling gym time or spa days.  Well truthfully I have not gone to the spa in almost two years, I used to take care of my outside exterior all the time.  I must admit I have been worried about getting my inside to match the outside that I have let my outside go.  Starting today, I am going to make sure to take care of my emotional health and that includes getting back to me time and standing up for me.


“Embracing Who You Are” Event

Speakers LtoR: Danyelle Little of “The Cubicle Chick”, Me, Brittany “Miss Fit Britt” Ramsey, and Rev. Kimberly Banks-Brown

As many of you know on August 12, 2011 at Whiz Tech Cafe downtown St. Louis we learned how to love “Embracing Who You (WE) Are”. I had AMAZING speakers and food.. I am someone who works hard and when I do not make goals or finish my to-do list I beat myself up about it.  Well I promoted the event for almost two months and was stressing out that no one was buying tickets. I would call friends and family and complain, I even sent emails to family and friends asking them to buy a ticket or donate so that the goals I set for myself would be met.

I wanted at least 20 people at the event and even if my family would have bought tickets or donated meony they would not have been there physically  so my goal would have still been shy of 15 people.  I sold one ticket and I am SOOOOOO grateful for that ticket because someone else believed in me and my dreams.

My goal is to learn from every venture and task.  I am going to keep doing events and doing them to the best of my ability.

I was asked repeatedly by different people when I spoke about the even:

“Why are you providing “fancy” journals at your first event?”

Why are you buying a dress for your event?”

“Why are you providing food for your event?”

All of these questions are valid especially since I work part time and paid for everything out of my pocket. Buttttttt Javania does not do things half way. When I get a vision it has to be carried out all of the way from the food to colors.  Could I have done somethings differently? Yes, but I would not have any them any other way because this event will be forever etched in other minds that I care about how I present myself and my brand.

Remember when you set out to do something and others have their opinions, just smile and say thank you. No one can tell you how you should do things or how you need to change things. You have your own mind and you need to act accordingly.

Pictures from the event:



My 2011 Goals

Health:

Loose 30-40 pounds currently weigh 170

Tone up and be conscious of what I put into my body

Look into getting scalp looked

School:

3.5-4.0s +

No slacking and do the best I can do

Start earlier on papers and proof, proof, proof

 

Start thinking about PH.D programs

Get prepared for 2011 Graduation in December

Life:

Get rid of toxic people and things

Figure out if I want to work for someone when done with school or if I want to just work for myself

Atlanta or New York City for 2012

Relationship:

Start saving up for babe’s Engagement Ring

Work on our communication

Treat her with respect at all times

Money:

Get a 12 month Emergency Fund

Stick to budget or almost

Work:

Full Time for benefits

Part Time for Savings and Extra things

Javania M Webb Inc:

Network

Go to SCORE Event February 22

Finish Business Plan

Finish Proposals

Do at least ten speeches

Find schools and organizations that will pay me

Look at competition in ATL and NYC

Figure out ways to get paid for speaking engagements

Travel:

Go to Essence Music Festival

Go on a cruise

Go to Miami

Go to Cozumel Mexico

These are the goals that I set for myself… I did not change anything except I replaced my ex name with “babe”.   I read over this list and felt defeated. Why? Because I have not completed everything, but then I said to myself “THERE IS STILL TIME”.  Now I am going to be realistic, I will not be going to Mexico or Miami before the year is up because, well I can barely pay my rent.  I am not going to shed 30-40 pounds in the next four months, but I can watch what I eat and get healthier.

Everything else I can finish before the year is up, I moved Graduation to May 2012, I am waiting on the starting date for this new FT job.  I have traveled to Chicago, Orlando, and I am going to LA in October, will be going on a cruise in February.  What goals I do not finish in 2011 I will carry on for 2012.  I am in the process of trying to figure out where I am going to move in August of 2012 and trust this is not easy feat… The goals I did complete are crossed out, so I have done good so far and can do better.

What about YOU, did you make a goal list and have you completed them or did you forget about your goals all together? Let a comment down below. Thanks for reading.