Day 5:

A time you thought about ending your own life:

I was 19 years of age, laying in my dorm room Spring Semester 2005 at SIUE and was depressed and crying because I was missing my mother who died when I was 16, trying to sort through being molested, trying to ignore and stop my attraction to women, failing ALLLLL of my classes at that time, and did not want to live anymore. I felt that it would have been easier to just end my life. I picked up a bottle of Tylenol, poured a bunch in my hand, and in walked my roommate as I was putting my hand to my mouth to swallow, more.. She knocked them out of my hand and then called a close friend of mine to tell him to get to our room immediately. That was a turning point for me. I went to counseling which did not help, I still had suicide thoughts but didn’t try to hurt myself. At that point in my life counseling didn’t stop me from thinking about slitting my wrists or swallowing pills…It actually made me what to end my life more, but the promise I made to God, myself, and friends at that time is what helped.

What about you? Have you ever thought about ending your life?

Want to find out more about the blog challenge? Check out Spoken Words & Thoughts

Day 3:

Your view on drugs and alcohol:

Being a product of parents who have(d) trouble with both of these drugs, (alcohol is a drug just in case you did not know) I am very indifferent. I was born addicted to crack and was told that I was not going to amount to anything because of other situations that had to deal with drugs that my mother was doing…. So Drugs as far as crack, heroin and so forth I do not tolerate around me and have never tried any of it. I did try weed when I was 18 years of age and have not tried it again since. I don’t mind people smoking weed, just as long as it’s not around me. Alcohol, I drink and like it socially. According to what I say at my job, I am addicted to alcohol but I beg to differ.. I do not drink and drive and don’t like it when others do… I also would like it if they included all topics when it comes to drugs..because technically tobacco is a legal drug, and lets not get into the prescription drugs….

I am very liberal and quiet when it comes to this topic because people are going to do and believe what they want.. I only give my opinion on it when asked…


What about you? What are your views on drugs and alcohol?

Want to find out more about the blog challenge? Check out Spoken Words & Thoughts

Day 2:

Where you’d like to be in 10 years:


I am in my 20’s still and will be one year older and almost to my 30’s when October 4 comes along which by the way is showing up faster than I like.. However, back to the original question, in 10 years I will be married with two children, have my doctorate degree and on my way to doing the best I can to change the world!!!!  I am also hope to have traveled more, I have a list of places I want to visit before my 40th birthday and I am going kinda slow …. 🙂 My patience stronger and understanding of things better. As you get older you’re supposed to evolve, and I like to think that I am doing a great job at it right now.. So in 10 years, I should be the x50 since I’m already apart of the movement!


What about you! Where do you want to be in 10 years?


Want to find out more about the blog challenge? Check out Spoken Words & Thoughts

Day 1:

Your current relationship status; if single discusses how single life is.

I am currently Single and have been so for the past year and a half.. I have not liked being single as far as hanging out with friends because I am the only one who does not have a significant other. I have recently just met someone who I am dating with a little bit of exclusivity to see where things can go… I at first felt like I should date more than one person because I didn’t want to get attached and start liking this person too much, but I was forcing myself and it’s just not that serious. My single life is getting better also because I am starting to be more sociable. Not being cooped up in the house anymore just wanting to go somewhere, I am getting out and doing FUN stuff for FREE as well…

What about you? What is your status?

Want to find out more about the blog challenge? Check out Spoken Words & Thoughts

30 Day Blog Challenge…

So I am late… and I don’t mind but I saw this blog challenge over at Spoken Words & Thoughts…. I am going to start my challenge today… on the 18th of July… Head to her site to get the rules and check out her challenge as well..

Day 1: Your current relationship status; if single discusses how single life is.

Day 2: Where you’d like to be in 10 years.

Day 3: Your view on drugs and alcohol.

Day 4: Your views on religion.

Day 5: A time you thought about ending your own life.

Day 6: Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

Day 7: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Day 8: A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.

Day 9: Something that you are proud of..

Day 10: Discuss your first love and first kiss.

Day 11: Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.

Day 12: Bullet your whole day.

Day 13: Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

Day 14: Your earliest memory.

Day 15: Your favorite Tumblrs.

Day 16: Your views on mainstream music.

Day 17: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day 18: A picture of you last year and now, and how you have changed since then?

Day 19: Disrespecting your parents.

Day 20: How important you think education is.

Day 21: One of your favorite shows.

Day 22: How have you changed in the past 2 years?

Day 23: Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.

Day 24: Your favorite movie and what it’s about.

Day 25: Someone who fascinates you and why?

Day 26: What kind of person attracts you?

Day 27: A problem that you have.

Day 28: Something that you miss.

Day 29: Goals for the next 30 days.

Day 30: Your highs and lows of this month.

Join in for the fun if you have not already been doing the challenge!

Being True to Who YOU Are

Since I’ve been blogging one thing has been consistent… the same… Doing the best I can to be and embrace who I am, not what others feel what or who I should be.

My second workshop title was “Embracing Who You Are”

We talked about getting and becoming comfortable with yourself. If you feel that you have to hide the real you then whats the real issue? I am real good about expressing my views and who I am with friends and strangers…but when it comes to family, I get all quiet tuck my tail and walk away from the issue.. I can no longer continue to do so. I also should not feel like I have to continue to fight with and defend who I am to ANYONE… I am growing and coming into my own.. This topic can transfer to many topics and different relationships.

Communication is important but is difficult…. if you have not been taught how to properly communicate…

PLEASE don’t take that as you do not learn. make sure if you do not know how to communicate, you take that in strides and learn…

If you feel like you cannot be yourself around people, or feel that you have to explain you to others stop and look inside to figure out why.  Once grown, you don’t have to answer to anyone… Remember that!

How do you deal with being your true self no matter what?

Jessie J singing Who YOU ARE acoustic ….a  song that I LOVE soooooo much… Listen to the words. Please..


Love Tank ….

Picture Source

Ever since reading the Five Love Languages I have been making sure that I can cater to my friends and family language… I even asked my co-workers what could I do to make the work day easier for them..(they didn’t respond but I at least tried)  When I become friends with someone and I can be comfortable I let the real me show, and everyone is not okay with that. Last week one of my sisters and I had a heart to heart about when we first met and became really close it made her a little uneasy because she was not used to what I was doing. I like to hug and I tell my friends and family I love them before getting off of the phone, that’s how I was raised.  Touching and words of affirmations have always been apart of my life.

When I was younger I was told constantly that I was special, gorgeous, would amount to something, etc so when I come across people who are negative it takes a toll on me.  When I was younger I went through getting bullied and being made fun of on a daily basis; that helped me develop low self-esteem because I wanted and tried HARD to fit in… The low view of self did not last long, but it was still detrimental to my mental health because then it traveled to something deeper.  Traveled to me being ashamed of who I truly was, ashamed of being attracted to women.  Even though my self-esteem came back, my self worth suffered and I took myself through years of damage, damage that I am still currently working on.

When you know who you are and others have a problem with you being confident in yourself, maybe they are not the right people you need in your life.

Not even as associates.

Negativity is contagious.

Don’t let others dislike for themselves travel to you and your well being.

How do you make sure that your love tank is being filled on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis?

Losing Yourself..

When you meet someone and you hit it off immediately, the connection is there what does it mean when you want to spend every waking moment with that person…… Let’s act as if we do not know what that is or what it means. Lets take it back to the basics…





Are some of the words we can use for when you meet someone and you forget about everyone else who is in your life. You’re getting to know the person, inside and out, possibly having sex depending on how slow or fast you decide to move and then depending on what the status is you start to get all these fuzzy emotions that may have not been there as soon as they are if you hadn’t had sex…

Let’s face it.

Sex brings about plenty of emotions and it changes things..


So how do you avoid loosing yourself?