Two Men..

[youtube=http://youtu.be/V92tbalSTm0]

 

I came across this video on my twitter feed and I first read the comments on the blog post which were good and bad then watched the video for myself.

One, FABULOUS!

Second, the song playing is the song I want to walk down the aisle to.

Third, where can I find these men so that they can help me plan my wedding?

Four, as the words say, “IF THIS ISN’T LOVE THEN TELL ME WHAT IT IS”!!!!!!

I really do not understand the problem individuals have with two people of the same sex getting married.  Everyone wants to bring God into the equation, well first God is the first one to say do not judge, so you are disobeying him all together. I understand everyone will not agree with me and others who are attracted to the same sex but what harm is it doing you?  Just like in heterosexual relationships you all are not having sex 24/7, the same goes for homosexual relationships. Are relationships have substance and we have dreams of taking over in our perspective careers as well.  Stop trying to control feelings and emotions that are not going to go anywhere…

This is for you, YOU who feel the need to preach to homosexuals myself included every chance you get…


Pain

Pain….

Comes in different sizes, form, shapes and usually it does not care how it infiltrates your life but it’s up to you how you decide to handle said pain. Just about everyone has a story of pain to tell, whether it be from childhood, teens, young adult, or adulthood it’s their pain and they must own it before it owns them.

Some may scratch their heads and ask, How would one do this?

Simple, take control and get through the pain the best way you know how. It won’t be easy and for some it maybe harder than others, but if you have a goal to let the pain do then work at it until you have control over how your pain comes to you.

As a race, a minority race, we cannot continue to let the pain of of past control our lives here in the present because then, it will eat away at us like acid for our future.

The choice is yours. Which one do you choose?


Self-Worth: Part Two

If you have not read Part One, please do so first.. (click on the link)

As I said in Part One growing up I hated to look in the mirror, I avoided it at all costs.. I simply refused to look back at my reflection…. When I left Maywood and traveled to Edwardsville for college I did not think that I was going to go through changes immediately. I had people in my life who challenged the childish things I did on a daily basis and had no choice but to start to look at myself.

I slowly started to look in the mirror from bottom up because it wasn’t just my face that I had issues with. Once I got accustomed to looking at my feet, thighs, stomach, arms, and breasts I then moved to different parts of my face slowly spending 30 days looking at the different parts.. I spent 30 days (per feature) on lips, eyes, nose, skin, and eyebrows because my face was the problem I had the most issues with.  I would say something positive every day about whatever feature I was on and if I started to think negative thoughts I would stop and pray then start over with my positive affirmations.  I have since used this exercise with my clients and it does work!

If you are in a bad space where you need help learning to love and cherish  yourself try the exercise and let me know if it worked for you!

 


Self-Worth: Part One

When I look in the mirror I always look straight at my eyes first… If I am in one of my moods where I am feeling down, my eyes usually water. If I am in one of my moods where I am perfectly content, my eyes usually water.  If I am in one of my moods where I am being goofy, my eyes usually water. I have noticed this watering of my eyes when I look directly into them since I was 19. I think (don’t know if this is the real reason) this is because I LOVE what I see now.

19 is not that long ago, half of 19 and all of the years under… I would not look in the mirror because I was afraid to look back at the reflection that was “ugly”.

Growing up I hated to look at myself.

1. I had bad acne. From as early as I can remember I always had pimples and blackheads that loved to pop up on my young adolescent face.. I do not know what I was always the brink of my “friends” and classmates jokes but I was. Maybe because I was always outspoken but unpopular.

1b. I had scares from the acne that I picked at. I watched my cousins put toothpaste on their pimples and it magically go away, so I tried doing the same and every time I failed. I was told over and over again to leave my face alone, but something in me really felt that if I was to make the pimples go away, I would make the jokes go away.. WRONG.

2. I looked exactly like my mother. I did not want to see my mother because I had so much angst for her. I felt abandoned by her so why would I want to look like the woman who did not want me?

3. I felt that my nose covered my face.  In all actuality my nose was not that big, but in my mind it was and yes I was overly dramatic… You, know I was in the drama club for a reason! Certified Drama Queen Right HERE :-0)

4. I felt that I was dirty because of being raped/molested and being threatened to not tell anyone, I had to hold that pain inside for years and when I did finally say something I was asked “Well, why did you wait until now to say something, that’s odd” In my mind it did not matter when I spoke up, what mattered was that I got that pain off of me so that I could begin to heal. I was also told that I was lying on more than one occasion.  (How’s that for someone who already has low self-worth and is trying to build it up?)

This is Part One just wait for the next one! 🙂

How is your self-worth?  Has it always been as strong as it is now?


Self-Of-Steem: Natural Hair

I have been natural for almost seven years now.. AGAIN.. I was raised with out a relaxer and getting my hair pressed in high school. I was a cheerleader and my hair would always sweat out and would never move the way my counterparts hair moved in the wind because it was fully of pressing grease. After begging and begging and more begging my  grandmother agreed to let me get a relaxer .

My hair was never the same.

It wasn’t growing the way it was prior to the relaxer, but oh it sure was moving in the wind and it was moving right on out of my scalp when combed. I regretted getting a relaxer but I COULD not let my granny at the time know that she was correct. I was in the “good hair” crowd because my hair was not curling up anymore when I got rained on during games.. It was still straight.. stringy but straight. I started experimenting with hair color and my hair still was falling right on out,but being the low self-of-steem young teen I was I ignored it and kept saying well it will grow back….

When to college and cut all my hair off to the 2004 “Fantasia” cut, because it was falling out anyway.. Loved that style but grew it out…and got tired of getting my scalp severely burned every time I had to get a “touch up” before you say, well were you doing it right, I was going to the hair salon… I talked to my aunt who had been natural for as long as I could remember and asked her what to do. She stated, get some braids and let your hair grow out, I said okay and went to my hair stylist the next day and simply said, cut it off.

When I first went natural in January of 2006, I cut all my hair off and had a fade..

I liked my small fro, my unruly tightly coiled hair I really did!

Until…..

I let others comments get to me..

Comments like:

“Ugh, why did you cut allllll of your hair off?”

“Wellllll, you way were prettier with straight hair”.

“You should put another relaxer in your hair so it can be longer”.

“Well, why is your hair so nappy”?

“You ain’t gonna never get nobody with that head fully of nappy hair”!

“Just look at this girl, hey you nappy child”.

So I got really self conscious and started to let it mess with my thoughts about myself and started thinking, well they are correct, I was prettier with straight hair. Felling defeated and ugly…on my birthday October 2006, I got a relaxer.

The newness of the relaxer lasted all of 24 hours before I started regretting getting another relaxer and letting others comments decide for me how I felt about myself and my hair. I wrote a pact to myself at that time that, never again would I let someone elses insecurities and comments define who I am and what I do to myself. I also did not get another relaxer and grew my hair out this time which is called transitioning.. I was patient with my two different of textures for about seven months which my hair grew tremendously, but I wanted all of the straight pieces gone, so I did the ‘big chop”. Every since that mishap with my self- of- steem I have not been worried nor cared what others think about me.

I work in a more conservative environment and for the first three months I was self conscious of wearing my hair out because I work predominantly with men who are my clients and I did/do not like the stares that they give me.. However, I can only be me so slowly but surely I started wearing my hair out all the way, while the women I work (co-workers) with love it my clients HATE it.  BINGO.. If I would have known that wearing my hair out would make the stares and attention go away, I would have started off with my hair out.

I do not let anyone tell me how I should look or what I should do to my hair… That’s no one’s decision and if my self-of-steem was still low I would always think twice about what I do..

How is your self-of-steem?

Are you letting others who are not comfortable with themselves dictate how you feel about yourself?

If so, why?

If, so STOP… STOP NOW.