Embracing Who You TRULY Are

When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see?

When you look into your eyes, do you like what you see?

When someone else looks at you, do you get uncomfortable?

When you look at someone else, do you wish you looked like them?

When will YOU be enough for YOU?

Remember the old school saying: “You must love yourself before someone else can love you”

This saying should always be at the fore front of your life because it is true.

  • I remember at 7 years old at school being made fun of because I was in the bathroom putting on a pad and my classmates looking under and over the stalls laughing at pointing at me.
  • I remember being 9 years old being called a pizza face because I had severe acne and one of my “close friends” being the main one to start that laughter.
  • I remember being 13 years old sensing something was different about me because I was sitting next to my best friend and feeling a sensation in my body that I knew would get me in trouble.
  • I remember being 17 years old sneaking my high school boyfriend in the house while my grandmother was at work, learning the art of faking a orgasm, and being into men.
  • I also remember the pain I felt on the inside.. the lie I was creating would haunt me until I became strong enough to face the adversity that many LGBT members face..
  • I remember crying myself to sleep.
  • I remember hating the way I looked.

I also remember going to the mirror the same night that I tried to commit suicide and feeling a calm flow over me. I believe it was God talking to me saying that I was enough.

I was beautiful.

I was not left over trash.

I deserved to be me in the light and in the dark.

 

At 19 years old a true transformation took over for me. I started thinking positive. I started saying positive things to myself. I started dealing with childhood issues and the fact that I was lying to myself denying the attraction that I had to women. I got back to volunteering, and I prepared myself for what was to come.

Empowering is something that I do through my story.

You never know what someone is going through or what someone one has gone though previously.   Do your best to keep a positive flow through out your life. Once negative starts to flow, it will be in charge before you know it. Don’t let the negative things; people, and places take control.

End friendships if you have to.. You must be in control of what you want to deal will. If you have a negative perception of yourself, figure out why. You were born to be you, and no one else.

 

So again…

When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see?

When you look into your eyes, do you like what you see?

When someone else looks at you, do you get uncomfortable?

When you look at someone else, do you wish you looked like them?

When will YOU be enough for YOU?

 


Motivational Speaker / Workshops

I started this website to help promote myself, others who are amazing, and to build my brand.  I am now ready to stop the talking and start the doing. Everyone who knows me, knows that I had multiple trials and tribulations growing up as a child and that I am still working on those said issues….but that I also want to help others heal by talking to about about my experiences. I went through some necessary changes, but those changes could have been gone through differently if I wasn’t afraid to speak out. My goal is to help others not be afraid and to help them end that pain in a healthier way.

Everyone knows that I love to talk.

I want to start talking for a reason.

See Below:

Javania is on a mission who refuses to be defined by her past. Her passion is to help others free themselves from the chains that bind them, while steering them on a path of wholeness. Having overcome a childhood filled with molestation, and enduring the loss of her mother at 16, Javania knows first hand the dark prison if suicidal thoughts stemming from the sense of helplessness accompanied by low self-esteem.

Schools, Churches, Non-Profit Organizations if you have a day where you can have workshops to help the youth deal with Self-Esteem, Peer Pressure, Safe Sex, Abstinence, Rape/Molestation then, contact me!!

*Topics are not comprehensive and can be tailored to meet the needs of your program.

*The workshop includes a Journal made by Javania and Pens for the students to write with.

Javania is “Empowering Through Experience”: A Speaker on Worth Seeking, Inspirational Speaking, and Empowerment Teaching”

Website:
www.javaniamwebb.com
Twitter: JavaniaMWebb
Facebook: javania.m.webbInc


Two Men..

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I came across this video on my twitter feed and I first read the comments on the blog post which were good and bad then watched the video for myself.

One, FABULOUS!

Second, the song playing is the song I want to walk down the aisle to.

Third, where can I find these men so that they can help me plan my wedding?

Four, as the words say, “IF THIS ISN’T LOVE THEN TELL ME WHAT IT IS”!!!!!!

I really do not understand the problem individuals have with two people of the same sex getting married.  Everyone wants to bring God into the equation, well first God is the first one to say do not judge, so you are disobeying him all together. I understand everyone will not agree with me and others who are attracted to the same sex but what harm is it doing you?  Just like in heterosexual relationships you all are not having sex 24/7, the same goes for homosexual relationships. Are relationships have substance and we have dreams of taking over in our perspective careers as well.  Stop trying to control feelings and emotions that are not going to go anywhere…

This is for you, YOU who feel the need to preach to homosexuals myself included every chance you get…


Pain

Pain….

Comes in different sizes, form, shapes and usually it does not care how it infiltrates your life but it’s up to you how you decide to handle said pain. Just about everyone has a story of pain to tell, whether it be from childhood, teens, young adult, or adulthood it’s their pain and they must own it before it owns them.

Some may scratch their heads and ask, How would one do this?

Simple, take control and get through the pain the best way you know how. It won’t be easy and for some it maybe harder than others, but if you have a goal to let the pain do then work at it until you have control over how your pain comes to you.

As a race, a minority race, we cannot continue to let the pain of of past control our lives here in the present because then, it will eat away at us like acid for our future.

The choice is yours. Which one do you choose?


Self-Of-Steem: Natural Hair

I have been natural for almost seven years now.. AGAIN.. I was raised with out a relaxer and getting my hair pressed in high school. I was a cheerleader and my hair would always sweat out and would never move the way my counterparts hair moved in the wind because it was fully of pressing grease. After begging and begging and more begging my  grandmother agreed to let me get a relaxer .

My hair was never the same.

It wasn’t growing the way it was prior to the relaxer, but oh it sure was moving in the wind and it was moving right on out of my scalp when combed. I regretted getting a relaxer but I COULD not let my granny at the time know that she was correct. I was in the “good hair” crowd because my hair was not curling up anymore when I got rained on during games.. It was still straight.. stringy but straight. I started experimenting with hair color and my hair still was falling right on out,but being the low self-of-steem young teen I was I ignored it and kept saying well it will grow back….

When to college and cut all my hair off to the 2004 “Fantasia” cut, because it was falling out anyway.. Loved that style but grew it out…and got tired of getting my scalp severely burned every time I had to get a “touch up” before you say, well were you doing it right, I was going to the hair salon… I talked to my aunt who had been natural for as long as I could remember and asked her what to do. She stated, get some braids and let your hair grow out, I said okay and went to my hair stylist the next day and simply said, cut it off.

When I first went natural in January of 2006, I cut all my hair off and had a fade..

I liked my small fro, my unruly tightly coiled hair I really did!

Until…..

I let others comments get to me..

Comments like:

“Ugh, why did you cut allllll of your hair off?”

“Wellllll, you way were prettier with straight hair”.

“You should put another relaxer in your hair so it can be longer”.

“Well, why is your hair so nappy”?

“You ain’t gonna never get nobody with that head fully of nappy hair”!

“Just look at this girl, hey you nappy child”.

So I got really self conscious and started to let it mess with my thoughts about myself and started thinking, well they are correct, I was prettier with straight hair. Felling defeated and ugly…on my birthday October 2006, I got a relaxer.

The newness of the relaxer lasted all of 24 hours before I started regretting getting another relaxer and letting others comments decide for me how I felt about myself and my hair. I wrote a pact to myself at that time that, never again would I let someone elses insecurities and comments define who I am and what I do to myself. I also did not get another relaxer and grew my hair out this time which is called transitioning.. I was patient with my two different of textures for about seven months which my hair grew tremendously, but I wanted all of the straight pieces gone, so I did the ‘big chop”. Every since that mishap with my self- of- steem I have not been worried nor cared what others think about me.

I work in a more conservative environment and for the first three months I was self conscious of wearing my hair out because I work predominantly with men who are my clients and I did/do not like the stares that they give me.. However, I can only be me so slowly but surely I started wearing my hair out all the way, while the women I work (co-workers) with love it my clients HATE it.  BINGO.. If I would have known that wearing my hair out would make the stares and attention go away, I would have started off with my hair out.

I do not let anyone tell me how I should look or what I should do to my hair… That’s no one’s decision and if my self-of-steem was still low I would always think twice about what I do..

How is your self-of-steem?

Are you letting others who are not comfortable with themselves dictate how you feel about yourself?

If so, why?

If, so STOP… STOP NOW.


Dating vs. Family

Dating vs. Family

You vs. Dating vs. Family

Person you’re dating vs. Family

Heterosexual Dating vs. Homosexual Dating

Heterosexual Family vs. Dating vs. Homosexual Family vs. Dating

 

Either way, two different upbringings coming together will often have issues to work through because not everyone is raised the same! There are differences, actions, ideas, beliefs etc. that some people are not willing to accept… Who says that your family must accept the person you’re dating? Who says that the person you’re dating must accept your family? Is that an unspoken rule? Is that mutual respect? Then what happens if neither parties wants to do the latter?  Is one person just stuck with having to chose between family and the person that they are dating?

 
What insight do you have on dating that you can give?


Memior: Mother

I have been working on writing a book about my childhood, being molested and working through the aftermath of being molested, and then about how I have overcome..

Part of the book will have some parts about my mother and her drug use.  I have been very open about how I felt about my mother feeling like she chose drugs over me. The reality is she didn’t, I know that there are others out there who had parents that used drugs and probably did not understand the drug use either.  I remember days when she made promises but broke them…. The promises were broken because she found, panhandled, or even begged for money to get her drugs.  I never knew how to express my feelings and emotions because I was too young, so I expressed anger towards her.  My mother was a wonderful woman, but she did not know how to leave the drugs alone, I believe because she was embarrassed about her mental illness. My mother was bi-polar and had schizophrenia symptoms as well…

BUT no matter what she always told me that she loved me.

I know what it’s like to want “that” special mother’s love,

I know what it’s like to want to go to the mother’s dance with your actual mother,

I know what it’s like to want to call and talk on the phone with my mother when feeling down,

I know what it’s like to sit on the sidelines and see friends interacting with their mother and feeling left out even with them doing the best that they can to make me apart of their family.

Through it all I have kept most of my true feelings to myself because at the end of the day, I do not have a mother who is here in the physical but I am not lacking in spirit.  God knows what the plan he has for my life, and it would be unappreciative of me to act as if the ‘mothers’ I do have do not mean a lot to me.  I may not have my birth mother, but God has placed other women in my life who are like a mother to help me.

So if you, are like me in the sense of not having a physical mother here on earth (no matter the reason), but have women in your life that can be that mother figure make sure you take the time out to thank them.

Feel free to share with me if you would like! 🙂


I’m a ……

Mommie!!!!!! 🙂

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Charlie is his name.
Beagle/Pit mix.
Two months old.
Learning to potty train.

Isn’t he just the cutest, I’m reading up and hearing that he’s going to get bigger… Not too happy about having a huge dog, but he’s changed my mind about that… I am thankful that I did wait though for the right puppy instead of moving fast like I normally do… 🙂

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