FAITH

When you believe without fear many doors will open for you.  There has been many times where I felt that I did not know what I was doing where I was going, and plain ole stressing about day-to-day expenses.  Since I have learned to stop stressing things have been better for me. BUT my ego and pride was hurting me with out me knowing it.. Since I let go of stress AND my Ego, Pride I have not been as sick and I am happier about living.  Stressing brings about many issues that you wouldn’t realize until after you have gone through that time.  I was raised to be very independent and at times I have to look at myself and shake my head because of the things I struggled with alone that I do not have to.  I firmly believe that when your ego and pride prevents you from asking for simple things the universe makes it harder for you.

I will give you a real example from my life:

Last month I had my rent, when to turn in my rent check and then left to go work out.  While drive I was hearing this loud noise coming from the left back side while my car was moving but would stop when I was not moving.  When I got to my friends house I got out to look at the back of my car my tire was flat with this biggggg ole piece of metal in my tire.. I immediately was like, geez if it is not one thing it is another.

But I did NOT stress, I just took it with stride.  I was calm and felt that I couldn’t not do anything about it then, so to just keep it moving and worked-out.  Even when I went to a mechanic, and they could not patch it because the hole was too big I remained calm. I was sent to another mechanic and they were able to help me. A patch was $15 and a used tired was $40. I got the used tire because that metal ripped my tire on the inside. When it came time to pay, I handed the mechanic one of my credit cards, that card was declined.  I then gave him another credit card that card was declined as well. I gave him another credit card and that card was declined.  I was like damn, three credit cards and none are going through… my thought was “well my rent check will bounce”.  I handed him my debit card. Then started stressing because I did not have any extra money to pay for this tire. After I left I called my apartment complex to see if they could hold my rent check because I was going to get paid on that coming Wednesday… They have a check scanner and had already scanned my rent check. I was trying to figure out where I could get $4 from. I went through my change and did not have it, looked through old purses and wallets and could not find four dollars..

Through out this whole process the thought of calling my family NEVER crossed my mind.  I cried myself to sleep that night,  woke up, and THEN thought about what family member I was going to call for help.  Didn’t want to call my brother because he had just helped me pay a minimum balance for one of the credit cards that was declined. I called one of my aunts and asked for $4.  My aunt was like why would you just ask for $4, and my response was that is all I need auntie.  We talked and I then sent her my bank information.

That one phone call stressed me out to the point where I was feeling like a failure for not having $4.  Simply because my ego and pride was too big to pick up the phone and call home, I also learned a valuable lesson.

The devil has a way of holding you back when you are not humble. Now I have been yelled and fussed at on numerous occasions about now calling on family when I need something.  When your pride is bigger than life because you don’t want to seem like “whatever” God will being you back to a reality that you don’t understand while you are going through whatever you are going through.

Plain and simple I was embarrassed.

 But WHY?

I felt that I should be at a place in my life where I should not have to call and ask for help or money.  Well…… truthfully I NEVER call and ask for help.

I just suffer.

I just starve.

Until my next payday…. Which is a little extreme.. I NOW know this..

Once I figured out that I was suffering and struggling as much as I was because of my ego and pride I vowed to stop.

Here are the steps I took (disclaimer, this is how I got over MY issues, this may not work for you but feel free to use them if you want):

  • Prayer. Once I prayed to God asking him to take my ego and pride from me I have been responding and reacting to situations differently.
  • Practice. I started practicing on how I would ask for help when I NEEDED said help.  I made up scenarios and practiced how I would react.
  • Reassurance real like events.  Something happened day after day and that is how I got my conformation that I needed to let that ego and pride go for good.

My faith is getting stronger daily and I know that there is reason behind this.  I am so thankful for the learning I am being provided.  When you are going through trials you may not understand at the time, but after those trials are done. YOU will see and understand.

What stress and struggle have you forced onto yourself? How did you overcome and stop bringing pain onto yourself?

5 thoughts on “FAITH

  1. Great story! I find that faith can refer to something more abstract, non-religious if you will. I know everyone isn’t exactly “God, Jesus, Church” religious, but I find that many of us walk around with a certain feeling that things happen for a reason and that if you just live your life and believe that things will turn out okay, they generally do. The God question has been bouncing around in my head since I was a child, and I haven’t made up my mind yet, but I’m pretty sure there’s some sort of safety net in place for me. Call it God, call it fate, I have faith everyday, and it is a pretty good feeling. It allows me to breathe. And lord knows we could all stand to take a deep breath!

    PLBND,
    GreyGirl

  2. Good read. I am kind of like you. I do not like to ask for anything, from almost anyone. I will pinch or just do without. My rent check would have bounced. I am almost sure, I would not have called anyone. I know my pride can be a bit much. I always say, I could end up on skid row, with nothing but my pride. But, I hope that never happens.

    I try not to stress. i take things in stride. I don’t like to beg, but, if I really had too, I have done so. Usually, it would be my grandmother or mother, but thankfully, I haven’t asked them for anything in a couple of years.

  3. GIRL!!!!! We gonna have to get out of this.. Well I can really only speak for myself, I am definitely getting out of that habit. Ever since I have changed my thinking, life has been turning around for the better. 🙂

  4. OMG!!
    I had this EXACT dilemma about 3 months ago. I was getting ready to leave for work one afternoon and saw that my rear passenger side tire was chillin’ on the rim. So, I limp to the nearest gas station and tried to air it as much as possible. It held up until the next day when I took my car to the neighborhood auto shop. The nail was in the middle of the tire, so they couldn’t patch it. I ended up spending my food/gas money $118 on a new tire, plus installation. I was SoOo upset and going thru the “why me” ordeal. Pride gets in my way, a lot.
    All I can say is that ramen noodles and sandwhiches go a LONG way. That, and not going anywhere for 2 weeks, other than to work.

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