Me, Myself, and I Circa 2005

Here is a paper I did Spring 2005… My second semester in college….. I was 19 and angry at the world.. The growth that I have done is AMAZING…

“Every year I ask myself, what do I want to change about me? It is always the same statement: I want to change my bad ass attitude.  It never fails; I will be nice or try   to act nice for about a good week; then I will back to my old ways giving any and everybody attitude.  So this year I made more than one New Year’s Resolution so I could at lease accomplish one.  The first one is of course to change my attitude, but that one can wait a while because my second one is to get off of academic probation.  This one will be the most challenging one because I messed up so early and I have a low grade point average.  I played around last semester and this is where I ended up feeling low and stupid and I will work harder than ever this semester so that I can earn a 3.0 grade point average and get out of the gutter.  I have to do this for me because I am the one who is suffering. I am the one who got me into this and I have to be the one to get myself out of it.

The first resolution will always be hard for me because people do not know what other people go through from day to day and when people jump to conclusions or say blurt things out it upsets me.  I am one of those girls that many always hear about with the bad attitude problem.  I have a major one and it will not be a good idea to get on my bad side because it will be over then.  When I try to be nice, it does not work.  I feel as if I am being phony, so I go back to the way I was, or stop trying to be nice.  Hopefully I will change for the better because I do not want the reputation of being “The Bitch”, but I also do not want the reputation of the soft girl that take anything.  Many say I will die from a heart attack and I do not want that; so maybe if I go to some anger management classes I will have a much better attitude.  I am the biggest baby on earth, but have the saddest attitude.  What kind of combination is that?

My second and most important New Year’s Resolution will be easy to achieve if I just sit down and focus for once in my life.  When I want something badly, I get it and I want so badly to get off of academic probation so all I have to do is do it and stop talking about it.  I am going to accomplish this by earning a 3.0 grade point average in all of my classes.  Studying is the big priority for me because I do not know how to study.  I never had to study until last semester and I see where that got me.  Going to tutoring whenever I need help will be hard for me.  My pride and ego is the cause of this. I am too big headed and need to know that it is okay to not understand a certain subject and not being ashamed to show it or tell.

My grades never struggled in high school the way they did last semester and it is very embarrassing to have to take a class over with the same teacher knowing that I slacked in her class.  Making this 3.0 grade point average will benefit my life so much because I will not be on academic probation anymore. I will be able to transfer if I still desire to do so next year.  Also, I will feel good about myself knowing I set a goal and achieved it, and it was dealing with school, and I did it with out a problem.  A person may not have any flaws on the outside.  They might not be visible, but that does not mean that they do not have any problems at all.  This is me, I am so messed up on the inside, and I know what I have to do to change what is wrong.  I have to start with the most important problem right now.  My education and whatever else will have to come second.”

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