Correction of Self ?

DISCLAIMER: I don’t claim to know everything and I don’t claim to be an expert. I am however someone who used to hate looking at myself in the mirror, I used to hate what everything about me looked like. I used to tell myself I wanted to just die. Below are TWO exercises that I DID for myself to get out of the rut and negative place that I was in. These exercises may not work for YOU. You have to get into the habit of finding out about YOU and how YOU will respond to retraining your mind to be positive.

 

Exercise 1:

It is important to be honest with yourself; you have to answer to your eyes and God (if you believe or if you believe in something else). Write out things that you fear then write out why, and then steps that you will take to get rid of your fear. Being fearful holds you stagnant in your growth and makes you comfortable. You never want to be okay with not changing and facing fears. You have to learn to overcome your fears. Lying allows you to not change. If you really sit down and figure out what bothers and scares you, life will become better.

Exercise 2:

Everyday for thirty minutes write down something that you feel you need to change about yourself, why, and how you plan to make these changes. There needs to be at least four steps on how you plan to make these changes in your life.

 

 


Self-Of-Steem: Natural Hair

I have been natural for almost seven years now.. AGAIN.. I was raised with out a relaxer and getting my hair pressed in high school. I was a cheerleader and my hair would always sweat out and would never move the way my counterparts hair moved in the wind because it was fully of pressing grease. After begging and begging and more begging my  grandmother agreed to let me get a relaxer .

My hair was never the same.

It wasn’t growing the way it was prior to the relaxer, but oh it sure was moving in the wind and it was moving right on out of my scalp when combed. I regretted getting a relaxer but I COULD not let my granny at the time know that she was correct. I was in the “good hair” crowd because my hair was not curling up anymore when I got rained on during games.. It was still straight.. stringy but straight. I started experimenting with hair color and my hair still was falling right on out,but being the low self-of-steem young teen I was I ignored it and kept saying well it will grow back….

When to college and cut all my hair off to the 2004 “Fantasia” cut, because it was falling out anyway.. Loved that style but grew it out…and got tired of getting my scalp severely burned every time I had to get a “touch up” before you say, well were you doing it right, I was going to the hair salon… I talked to my aunt who had been natural for as long as I could remember and asked her what to do. She stated, get some braids and let your hair grow out, I said okay and went to my hair stylist the next day and simply said, cut it off.

When I first went natural in January of 2006, I cut all my hair off and had a fade..

I liked my small fro, my unruly tightly coiled hair I really did!

Until…..

I let others comments get to me..

Comments like:

“Ugh, why did you cut allllll of your hair off?”

“Wellllll, you way were prettier with straight hair”.

“You should put another relaxer in your hair so it can be longer”.

“Well, why is your hair so nappy”?

“You ain’t gonna never get nobody with that head fully of nappy hair”!

“Just look at this girl, hey you nappy child”.

So I got really self conscious and started to let it mess with my thoughts about myself and started thinking, well they are correct, I was prettier with straight hair. Felling defeated and ugly…on my birthday October 2006, I got a relaxer.

The newness of the relaxer lasted all of 24 hours before I started regretting getting another relaxer and letting others comments decide for me how I felt about myself and my hair. I wrote a pact to myself at that time that, never again would I let someone elses insecurities and comments define who I am and what I do to myself. I also did not get another relaxer and grew my hair out this time which is called transitioning.. I was patient with my two different of textures for about seven months which my hair grew tremendously, but I wanted all of the straight pieces gone, so I did the ‘big chop”. Every since that mishap with my self- of- steem I have not been worried nor cared what others think about me.

I work in a more conservative environment and for the first three months I was self conscious of wearing my hair out because I work predominantly with men who are my clients and I did/do not like the stares that they give me.. However, I can only be me so slowly but surely I started wearing my hair out all the way, while the women I work (co-workers) with love it my clients HATE it.  BINGO.. If I would have known that wearing my hair out would make the stares and attention go away, I would have started off with my hair out.

I do not let anyone tell me how I should look or what I should do to my hair… That’s no one’s decision and if my self-of-steem was still low I would always think twice about what I do..

How is your self-of-steem?

Are you letting others who are not comfortable with themselves dictate how you feel about yourself?

If so, why?

If, so STOP… STOP NOW.


Day 26:

What kind of person attracts you?

 

Someone who is…

kind,

loving,

respectful,

fashionable,

attractive in their own way,

compassionate,

and honest.

Everything else will work it’s way out in my opinion.

 

What about you?

Want to find out more about the challenge? Check out Spoken Words & Thoughts.


Day 9:

Something that you are proud of:
Graduating with now my Master’s Degree.

I was born addicted to Crack and was told by many individuals that I was never going to amount to anything.. God is the final sayer over what I will not and can not do and he has NEVER told me that I can no do anything. He is the guidance and helps us seek what we want to do. All you have to do is sit still and listen.

 

What about you? What is something that you are proud of?

 

Want to find out more about the blog challenge? Check out Spoken Words & Thoughts


Being True to Who YOU Are

Since I’ve been blogging one thing has been consistent… the same… Doing the best I can to be and embrace who I am, not what others feel what or who I should be.

My second workshop title was “Embracing Who You Are”

We talked about getting and becoming comfortable with yourself. If you feel that you have to hide the real you then whats the real issue? I am real good about expressing my views and who I am with friends and strangers…but when it comes to family, I get all quiet tuck my tail and walk away from the issue.. I can no longer continue to do so. I also should not feel like I have to continue to fight with and defend who I am to ANYONE… I am growing and coming into my own.. This topic can transfer to many topics and different relationships.

Communication is important but is difficult…. if you have not been taught how to properly communicate…

PLEASE don’t take that as you do not learn. make sure if you do not know how to communicate, you take that in strides and learn…

If you feel like you cannot be yourself around people, or feel that you have to explain you to others stop and look inside to figure out why.  Once grown, you don’t have to answer to anyone… Remember that!

How do you deal with being your true self no matter what?

Jessie J singing Who YOU ARE acoustic ….a  song that I LOVE soooooo much… Listen to the words. Please..

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgMD6btCP1M]


Losing Yourself..

When you meet someone and you hit it off immediately, the connection is there what does it mean when you want to spend every waking moment with that person…… Let’s act as if we do not know what that is or what it means. Lets take it back to the basics…

Infatuation.

Isolation.

Stingy.

Obsession.

Are some of the words we can use for when you meet someone and you forget about everyone else who is in your life. You’re getting to know the person, inside and out, possibly having sex depending on how slow or fast you decide to move and then depending on what the status is you start to get all these fuzzy emotions that may have not been there as soon as they are if you hadn’t had sex…

Let’s face it.

Sex brings about plenty of emotions and it changes things..

 

So how do you avoid loosing yourself?


Black Sheep

When you are born into a family….and mostly everyone is normal.. Normal being Heterosexual in my case, it’s hard being the outcast..

Let me explain…..

I am a proud lesbian, my family feels I am in a phase.. Well let’s just say I have outgrown the phase age stage in my life… The moment I came out of the closet I broke free and have been trying to defend who I was ever since.

Why am I constantly defending who I am though?

This is a question I cannot answer because I have a need to want to be loved.. Loved from my family. I care what my family thinks of me, not people who don’t give two shits nor know who I truly am (let’s get this common miscommunication clear) I think I care so much because my aunts and uncles helped raise me where my mother and father fell short and then when my mother died they stepped in even more. So there’s a different dynamic relationship here…..

However, I have to and must follow the same advice that I give my clients who are dealing with or have dealt with the same issues.

Its simple…

God did not make any mistakes with me.

I am who I am.

I will not change who I am for my family.

I will not hide who I am.

I am in love with Javania.

I will not continue to defend my attraction.

I therefore will not longer feel as if I am the Black Sheep in my family.

 

 

Have you ever felt like the oddball in your family? Share your story below.