Day 18:

A picture of you last year and now, and how you have changed since then?

August 2011….

End of July/August 2012

Physically, I have not changed, I have lost a couple of inches but not much has changed.

Mentally, I am stronger and I am learning that if someone wants to talk to me, be in my life, be a friend whatever they have to accept me for who I am and if they don’t want to they can keep it moving.  I have also gotten stronger is learning that everything happens for  reason, I thought it before but I did not BELIEVE it. God places people and situations in your life for a reason and you have to sit still to listen to figure out said reason.

Hair, it fell out because of the color, and now the color is gone, back to growing thick and healthy. I did start locs, but my commitment issues won.

Emotionally, I was a wreck because I was still sad and lonely over my ex now that relationship is the furthest thing from my mind and now I am dating someone who is amazing… 🙂

Want to find out more about the challenge? Check out Spoken Words & Thoughts.


FREE Ebook “Hey YOU”

I have been toying with the idea of writing E-Books for the past year, and I am please to announce that my first one is here. “HEY YOU”…… It’s a spin off of my journals that I made for the attendees who came to my event last August…. If you want a Copy email me and I will send to you with in 10 hours (I say with in ten hours because I am not able to have my phone at work and won’t get my emails until I get off at 8p)

Email to get my free e-book:  javaniamwebb@gmail.com

 

 


Day 9:

Something that you are proud of:
Graduating with now my Master’s Degree.

I was born addicted to Crack and was told by many individuals that I was never going to amount to anything.. God is the final sayer over what I will not and can not do and he has NEVER told me that I can no do anything. He is the guidance and helps us seek what we want to do. All you have to do is sit still and listen.

 

What about you? What is something that you are proud of?

 

Want to find out more about the blog challenge? Check out Spoken Words & Thoughts


Day 5:

A time you thought about ending your own life:

I was 19 years of age, laying in my dorm room Spring Semester 2005 at SIUE and was depressed and crying because I was missing my mother who died when I was 16, trying to sort through being molested, trying to ignore and stop my attraction to women, failing ALLLLL of my classes at that time, and did not want to live anymore. I felt that it would have been easier to just end my life. I picked up a bottle of Tylenol, poured a bunch in my hand, and in walked my roommate as I was putting my hand to my mouth to swallow, more.. She knocked them out of my hand and then called a close friend of mine to tell him to get to our room immediately. That was a turning point for me. I went to counseling which did not help, I still had suicide thoughts but didn’t try to hurt myself. At that point in my life counseling didn’t stop me from thinking about slitting my wrists or swallowing pills…It actually made me what to end my life more, but the promise I made to God, myself, and friends at that time is what helped.

What about you? Have you ever thought about ending your life?

Want to find out more about the blog challenge? Check out Spoken Words & Thoughts


Being True to Who YOU Are

Since I’ve been blogging one thing has been consistent… the same… Doing the best I can to be and embrace who I am, not what others feel what or who I should be.

My second workshop title was “Embracing Who You Are”

We talked about getting and becoming comfortable with yourself. If you feel that you have to hide the real you then whats the real issue? I am real good about expressing my views and who I am with friends and strangers…but when it comes to family, I get all quiet tuck my tail and walk away from the issue.. I can no longer continue to do so. I also should not feel like I have to continue to fight with and defend who I am to ANYONE… I am growing and coming into my own.. This topic can transfer to many topics and different relationships.

Communication is important but is difficult…. if you have not been taught how to properly communicate…

PLEASE don’t take that as you do not learn. make sure if you do not know how to communicate, you take that in strides and learn…

If you feel like you cannot be yourself around people, or feel that you have to explain you to others stop and look inside to figure out why.  Once grown, you don’t have to answer to anyone… Remember that!

How do you deal with being your true self no matter what?

Jessie J singing Who YOU ARE acoustic ….a  song that I LOVE soooooo much… Listen to the words. Please..

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgMD6btCP1M]


Black Sheep

When you are born into a family….and mostly everyone is normal.. Normal being Heterosexual in my case, it’s hard being the outcast..

Let me explain…..

I am a proud lesbian, my family feels I am in a phase.. Well let’s just say I have outgrown the phase age stage in my life… The moment I came out of the closet I broke free and have been trying to defend who I was ever since.

Why am I constantly defending who I am though?

This is a question I cannot answer because I have a need to want to be loved.. Loved from my family. I care what my family thinks of me, not people who don’t give two shits nor know who I truly am (let’s get this common miscommunication clear) I think I care so much because my aunts and uncles helped raise me where my mother and father fell short and then when my mother died they stepped in even more. So there’s a different dynamic relationship here…..

However, I have to and must follow the same advice that I give my clients who are dealing with or have dealt with the same issues.

Its simple…

God did not make any mistakes with me.

I am who I am.

I will not change who I am for my family.

I will not hide who I am.

I am in love with Javania.

I will not continue to defend my attraction.

I therefore will not longer feel as if I am the Black Sheep in my family.

 

 

Have you ever felt like the oddball in your family? Share your story below.


Five Love Lanuages…

SINGLES EDITION

(this photo is not the singles edition cover, photo is taken from personal IPhone and the book was paid for by me)

My sis is reading the edition that Gary Chapman intended to be for women and men who are married or engaged to get married..but it seems that single people wanted something to help them in the love department as welllllll…….. When she advised me to get the copy I immediately took offense because I thought she had jokes.. But I am actually glad that she told me about it. I just started this book and I am loving reading every minute of it.. (This is the first book that I am reading on my IPad and it’s not bad)

The premise of the book is for you to fully know your love language before you can know someone else’s love language and that it is okay if your languages do not match, but you have to be willing to fulfill your partners language. Of course the examples are for heterosexual couples, but I do not think that this book excludes homosexual couples. (this is just my opinion, if you know of a book that talks about love and it’s strictly for homosexuals let me know in the comments)

I haven’t gotten to the part where he explains the different languages of love but I am looking forward to finding that out! I will update when I figure out.. 🙂