DISCLAIMER: I don’t claim to know everything and I don’t claim to be an expert. I am however someone who used to hate looking at myself in the mirror, I used to hate what everything about me looked like. I used to tell myself I wanted to just die. Below are TWO exercises that I DID for myself to get out of the rut and negative place that I was in. These exercises may not work for YOU. You have to get into the habit of finding out about YOU and how YOU will respond to retraining your mind to be positive.
It is important to be honest with yourself; you have to answer to your eyes and God (if you believe or if you believe in something else). Write out things that you fear then write out why, and then steps that you will take to get rid of your fear. Being fearful holds you stagnant in your growth and makes you comfortable. You never want to be okay with not changing and facing fears. You have to learn to overcome your fears. Lying allows you to not change. If you really sit down and figure out what bothers and scares you, life will become better.
Everyday for thirty minutes write down something that you feel you need to change about yourself, why, and how you plan to make these changes. There needs to be at least four steps on how you plan to make these changes in your life.
Back in 2011 we learned of Amber Cole.
I found out about this 14 year old child who has been misguided and I took up for her like she was my little sister, cousin, or mentee. I did (and will do it again for someone else) so because grown women were calling her all types of names and saying that she “was a fast little (insert your derogatory word of choice)” I did not and still do not agree with those statements. Yes, she was filmed giving head to a young boy who was in her class outside and could have looked like she enjoyed it (I don’t know did not watch the video because I don’t feel that I should participate in watching child pornography)
Here are some reasons and questions as to why we know about her (and most importantly, why weren’t these students in school and why didn’t their prospective teachers notice they were missing):
- Ignorant little boys using technology and watching like it was a freak show.
- How has her life been so far growing up? Meaning was she molested, did she watch others have sex, was she taught about self-esteem, was she taught about self worth, did her mother tell her she betta not be fucking but she heard and saw her mother doing the same. All of these scenarios should be included into the fact that she was acting out for attention.
- Was she bullied or made fun of? This question matters because peer pressure is REAL in case none of you knew, also did this guy force her to come outside and give him head. Force? Yes, force meaning he would tell people that she did it when she really did not so she would still be made fun of and ostracized so she went ahead and did it. Now she is being called hoe/slut all over the United States.. (How soon do you GROWN people forget that you used to do the same activities.. Some of you gave head or was being fast and got caught kissing at school and was caught on the camera or you knew where the cameras were NOT placed and was able to get away with it. How about looking in the mirror before condemning this child)
Now let’s talk about solutions so that there will not be another Amber Cole in this technology advanced world.
- This is the number one way to help out our teens whom are misguided and look to the media whether it’s the television or internet for information. This is truer that you may want to admit. We have the boom of rappers talking about how they “banged some hoe” the night before.. have rappers talking about how “you can have whatever you like” but you gotta do something for it be it sex or begging. Think about how you can help one teen out instead of talking about how “fast they are”
- Blogging about positive things and posting it for teens to see. Going to places where they are and cutting out sheets of paper with your blog site, giving them five reasons why they should visit. If you draw them in, you will have their attention. Reading about self-worth, self-esteem, healthy relationships, safe sex, physical fitness, and etc will be a great outlet for them.
- Stop posting sex-a-pades and tips for teens to see. Not saying you cannot be who you are, but limiting this can be a huge help for them. Remember me saying that the internet is where they are going for information.
- Speaking about how to have healthy sex and relationships and talk about abstinence but NOT just that. Telling a 16 year old that they should not have sex is just like telling your 28-year-old self that you can’t have a cupcake. It is going o happen so instead of ignoring it, how about we provide healthy avenues for them to come and ask questions.
All of these tips work, I know from experience have younger cousins and two mentees. When you are a positive light you will draw individuals to you and our teens need more positive avenues. They are not seeing enough, they have stressors coming across their eyes daily, from not being “cute” enough, “skinny” enough, “popular” enough, “smart” enough when in reality these life lessons should be coming from home. BUT they are not. Therefore, WE as a community has to step in to help. Think about being apart of the solution and not problem.
Dating vs. Family
You vs. Dating vs. Family
Person you’re dating vs. Family
Heterosexual Dating vs. Homosexual Dating
Heterosexual Family vs. Dating vs. Homosexual Family vs. Dating
Either way, two different upbringings coming together will often have issues to work through because not everyone is raised the same! There are differences, actions, ideas, beliefs etc. that some people are not willing to accept… Who says that your family must accept the person you’re dating? Who says that the person you’re dating must accept your family? Is that an unspoken rule? Is that mutual respect? Then what happens if neither parties wants to do the latter? Is one person just stuck with having to chose between family and the person that they are dating?
What insight do you have on dating that you can give?
Someone who fascinates you and why?
She always has that old time advice and knows just what to say at the right time when I need it. I can be going through something and haven’t talked to her but she will have that intuition. She knows when something is wrong with her child and will call to see what is wrong and makes it all better.
She is amazing..
Just like that…
That is all..
When you are born into a family….and mostly everyone is normal.. Normal being Heterosexual in my case, it’s hard being the outcast..
Let me explain…..
I am a proud lesbian, my family feels I am in a phase.. Well let’s just say I have outgrown the phase age stage in my life… The moment I came out of the closet I broke free and have been trying to defend who I was ever since.
Why am I constantly defending who I am though?
This is a question I cannot answer because I have a need to want to be loved.. Loved from my family. I care what my family thinks of me, not people who don’t give two shits nor know who I truly am (let’s get this common miscommunication clear) I think I care so much because my aunts and uncles helped raise me where my mother and father fell short and then when my mother died they stepped in even more. So there’s a different dynamic relationship here…..
However, I have to and must follow the same advice that I give my clients who are dealing with or have dealt with the same issues.
God did not make any mistakes with me.
I am who I am.
I will not change who I am for my family.
I will not hide who I am.
I am in love with Javania.
I will not continue to defend my attraction.
I therefore will not longer feel as if I am the Black Sheep in my family.
Have you ever felt like the oddball in your family? Share your story below.