Helping vs. Condemning

Back in 2011 we learned of Amber Cole.

I found out about this 14 year old child who has been misguided and I took up for her like she was my little sister, cousin, or mentee. I did (and will do it again for someone else) so because grown women were calling her all types of names and saying that she “was a fast little (insert your derogatory word of choice)” I did not and still do not agree with those statements. Yes, she was filmed giving head to a young boy who was in her class outside and could have looked like she enjoyed it (I don’t know did not watch the video because I don’t feel that I should participate in watching child pornography)

 

Here are some reasons and questions as to why we know about her (and most importantly, why weren’t these students in school and why didn’t their prospective teachers notice they were missing):

 

  1. Ignorant little boys using technology and watching like it was a freak show.
  2. How has her life been so far growing up? Meaning was she molested, did she watch others have sex, was she taught about self-esteem, was she taught about self worth, did her mother tell her she betta not be fucking but she heard and saw her mother doing the same. All of these scenarios should be included into the fact that she was acting out for attention.
  3. Was she bullied or made fun of? This question matters because peer pressure is REAL in case none of you knew, also did this guy force her to come outside and give him head. Force? Yes, force meaning he would tell people that she did it when she really did not so she would still be made fun of and ostracized so she went ahead and did it. Now she is being called hoe/slut all over the United States.. (How soon do you GROWN people forget that you used to do the same activities.. Some of you gave head or was being fast and got caught kissing at school and was caught on the camera or you knew where the cameras were NOT placed and was able to get away with it. How about looking in the mirror before condemning this child)

 

Now let’s talk about solutions so that there will not be another Amber Cole in this technology advanced world.

  1. This is the number one way to help out our teens whom are misguided and look to the media whether it’s the television or internet for information. This is truer that you may want to admit. We have the boom of rappers talking about how they “banged some hoe” the night before.. have rappers talking about how “you can have whatever you like” but you gotta do something for it be it sex or begging. Think about how you can help one teen out instead of talking about how “fast they are”
  2. Blogging about positive things and posting it for teens to see. Going to places where they are and cutting out sheets of paper with your blog site, giving them five reasons why they should visit. If you draw them in, you will have their attention. Reading about self-worth, self-esteem, healthy relationships, safe sex, physical fitness, and etc will be a great outlet for them.
  3. Stop posting sex-a-pades and tips for teens to see. Not saying you cannot be who you are, but limiting this can be a huge help for them. Remember me saying that the internet is where they are going for information.
  4. Speaking about how to have healthy sex and relationships and talk about abstinence but NOT just that. Telling a 16 year old that they should not have sex is just like telling your 28-year-old self that you can’t have a cupcake. It is going o happen so instead of ignoring it, how about we provide healthy avenues for them to come and ask questions.

All of these tips work, I know from experience have younger cousins and two mentees. When you are a positive light you will draw individuals to you and our teens need more positive avenues. They are not seeing enough, they have stressors coming across their eyes daily, from not being “cute” enough, “skinny” enough, “popular” enough, “smart” enough when in reality these life lessons should be coming from home. BUT they are not. Therefore, WE as a community has to step in to help. Think about being apart of the solution and not problem.


Motivational Speaker / Workshops

I started this website to help promote myself, others who are amazing, and to build my brand.  I am now ready to stop the talking and start the doing. Everyone who knows me, knows that I had multiple trials and tribulations growing up as a child and that I am still working on those said issues….but that I also want to help others heal by talking to about about my experiences. I went through some necessary changes, but those changes could have been gone through differently if I wasn’t afraid to speak out. My goal is to help others not be afraid and to help them end that pain in a healthier way.

Everyone knows that I love to talk.

I want to start talking for a reason.

See Below:

Javania is on a mission who refuses to be defined by her past. Her passion is to help others free themselves from the chains that bind them, while steering them on a path of wholeness. Having overcome a childhood filled with molestation, and enduring the loss of her mother at 16, Javania knows first hand the dark prison if suicidal thoughts stemming from the sense of helplessness accompanied by low self-esteem.

Schools, Churches, Non-Profit Organizations if you have a day where you can have workshops to help the youth deal with Self-Esteem, Peer Pressure, Safe Sex, Abstinence, Rape/Molestation then, contact me!!

*Topics are not comprehensive and can be tailored to meet the needs of your program.

*The workshop includes a Journal made by Javania and Pens for the students to write with.

Javania is “Empowering Through Experience”: A Speaker on Worth Seeking, Inspirational Speaking, and Empowerment Teaching”

Website:
www.javaniamwebb.com
Twitter: JavaniaMWebb
Facebook: javania.m.webbInc


Pain

Pain….

Comes in different sizes, form, shapes and usually it does not care how it infiltrates your life but it’s up to you how you decide to handle said pain. Just about everyone has a story of pain to tell, whether it be from childhood, teens, young adult, or adulthood it’s their pain and they must own it before it owns them.

Some may scratch their heads and ask, How would one do this?

Simple, take control and get through the pain the best way you know how. It won’t be easy and for some it maybe harder than others, but if you have a goal to let the pain do then work at it until you have control over how your pain comes to you.

As a race, a minority race, we cannot continue to let the pain of of past control our lives here in the present because then, it will eat away at us like acid for our future.

The choice is yours. Which one do you choose?


Self-Worth: Part Two

If you have not read Part One, please do so first.. (click on the link)

As I said in Part One growing up I hated to look in the mirror, I avoided it at all costs.. I simply refused to look back at my reflection…. When I left Maywood and traveled to Edwardsville for college I did not think that I was going to go through changes immediately. I had people in my life who challenged the childish things I did on a daily basis and had no choice but to start to look at myself.

I slowly started to look in the mirror from bottom up because it wasn’t just my face that I had issues with. Once I got accustomed to looking at my feet, thighs, stomach, arms, and breasts I then moved to different parts of my face slowly spending 30 days looking at the different parts.. I spent 30 days (per feature) on lips, eyes, nose, skin, and eyebrows because my face was the problem I had the most issues with.  I would say something positive every day about whatever feature I was on and if I started to think negative thoughts I would stop and pray then start over with my positive affirmations.  I have since used this exercise with my clients and it does work!

If you are in a bad space where you need help learning to love and cherish  yourself try the exercise and let me know if it worked for you!

 


Self-Worth: Part One

When I look in the mirror I always look straight at my eyes first… If I am in one of my moods where I am feeling down, my eyes usually water. If I am in one of my moods where I am perfectly content, my eyes usually water.  If I am in one of my moods where I am being goofy, my eyes usually water. I have noticed this watering of my eyes when I look directly into them since I was 19. I think (don’t know if this is the real reason) this is because I LOVE what I see now.

19 is not that long ago, half of 19 and all of the years under… I would not look in the mirror because I was afraid to look back at the reflection that was “ugly”.

Growing up I hated to look at myself.

1. I had bad acne. From as early as I can remember I always had pimples and blackheads that loved to pop up on my young adolescent face.. I do not know what I was always the brink of my “friends” and classmates jokes but I was. Maybe because I was always outspoken but unpopular.

1b. I had scares from the acne that I picked at. I watched my cousins put toothpaste on their pimples and it magically go away, so I tried doing the same and every time I failed. I was told over and over again to leave my face alone, but something in me really felt that if I was to make the pimples go away, I would make the jokes go away.. WRONG.

2. I looked exactly like my mother. I did not want to see my mother because I had so much angst for her. I felt abandoned by her so why would I want to look like the woman who did not want me?

3. I felt that my nose covered my face.  In all actuality my nose was not that big, but in my mind it was and yes I was overly dramatic… You, know I was in the drama club for a reason! Certified Drama Queen Right HERE :-0)

4. I felt that I was dirty because of being raped/molested and being threatened to not tell anyone, I had to hold that pain inside for years and when I did finally say something I was asked “Well, why did you wait until now to say something, that’s odd” In my mind it did not matter when I spoke up, what mattered was that I got that pain off of me so that I could begin to heal. I was also told that I was lying on more than one occasion.  (How’s that for someone who already has low self-worth and is trying to build it up?)

This is Part One just wait for the next one! 🙂

How is your self-worth?  Has it always been as strong as it is now?


Self-Of-Steem: Natural Hair

I have been natural for almost seven years now.. AGAIN.. I was raised with out a relaxer and getting my hair pressed in high school. I was a cheerleader and my hair would always sweat out and would never move the way my counterparts hair moved in the wind because it was fully of pressing grease. After begging and begging and more begging my  grandmother agreed to let me get a relaxer .

My hair was never the same.

It wasn’t growing the way it was prior to the relaxer, but oh it sure was moving in the wind and it was moving right on out of my scalp when combed. I regretted getting a relaxer but I COULD not let my granny at the time know that she was correct. I was in the “good hair” crowd because my hair was not curling up anymore when I got rained on during games.. It was still straight.. stringy but straight. I started experimenting with hair color and my hair still was falling right on out,but being the low self-of-steem young teen I was I ignored it and kept saying well it will grow back….

When to college and cut all my hair off to the 2004 “Fantasia” cut, because it was falling out anyway.. Loved that style but grew it out…and got tired of getting my scalp severely burned every time I had to get a “touch up” before you say, well were you doing it right, I was going to the hair salon… I talked to my aunt who had been natural for as long as I could remember and asked her what to do. She stated, get some braids and let your hair grow out, I said okay and went to my hair stylist the next day and simply said, cut it off.

When I first went natural in January of 2006, I cut all my hair off and had a fade..

I liked my small fro, my unruly tightly coiled hair I really did!

Until…..

I let others comments get to me..

Comments like:

“Ugh, why did you cut allllll of your hair off?”

“Wellllll, you way were prettier with straight hair”.

“You should put another relaxer in your hair so it can be longer”.

“Well, why is your hair so nappy”?

“You ain’t gonna never get nobody with that head fully of nappy hair”!

“Just look at this girl, hey you nappy child”.

So I got really self conscious and started to let it mess with my thoughts about myself and started thinking, well they are correct, I was prettier with straight hair. Felling defeated and ugly…on my birthday October 2006, I got a relaxer.

The newness of the relaxer lasted all of 24 hours before I started regretting getting another relaxer and letting others comments decide for me how I felt about myself and my hair. I wrote a pact to myself at that time that, never again would I let someone elses insecurities and comments define who I am and what I do to myself. I also did not get another relaxer and grew my hair out this time which is called transitioning.. I was patient with my two different of textures for about seven months which my hair grew tremendously, but I wanted all of the straight pieces gone, so I did the ‘big chop”. Every since that mishap with my self- of- steem I have not been worried nor cared what others think about me.

I work in a more conservative environment and for the first three months I was self conscious of wearing my hair out because I work predominantly with men who are my clients and I did/do not like the stares that they give me.. However, I can only be me so slowly but surely I started wearing my hair out all the way, while the women I work (co-workers) with love it my clients HATE it.  BINGO.. If I would have known that wearing my hair out would make the stares and attention go away, I would have started off with my hair out.

I do not let anyone tell me how I should look or what I should do to my hair… That’s no one’s decision and if my self-of-steem was still low I would always think twice about what I do..

How is your self-of-steem?

Are you letting others who are not comfortable with themselves dictate how you feel about yourself?

If so, why?

If, so STOP… STOP NOW.


Dating vs. Family

Dating vs. Family

You vs. Dating vs. Family

Person you’re dating vs. Family

Heterosexual Dating vs. Homosexual Dating

Heterosexual Family vs. Dating vs. Homosexual Family vs. Dating

 

Either way, two different upbringings coming together will often have issues to work through because not everyone is raised the same! There are differences, actions, ideas, beliefs etc. that some people are not willing to accept… Who says that your family must accept the person you’re dating? Who says that the person you’re dating must accept your family? Is that an unspoken rule? Is that mutual respect? Then what happens if neither parties wants to do the latter?  Is one person just stuck with having to chose between family and the person that they are dating?

 
What insight do you have on dating that you can give?


Memior: Mother

I have been working on writing a book about my childhood, being molested and working through the aftermath of being molested, and then about how I have overcome..

Part of the book will have some parts about my mother and her drug use.  I have been very open about how I felt about my mother feeling like she chose drugs over me. The reality is she didn’t, I know that there are others out there who had parents that used drugs and probably did not understand the drug use either.  I remember days when she made promises but broke them…. The promises were broken because she found, panhandled, or even begged for money to get her drugs.  I never knew how to express my feelings and emotions because I was too young, so I expressed anger towards her.  My mother was a wonderful woman, but she did not know how to leave the drugs alone, I believe because she was embarrassed about her mental illness. My mother was bi-polar and had schizophrenia symptoms as well…

BUT no matter what she always told me that she loved me.

I know what it’s like to want “that” special mother’s love,

I know what it’s like to want to go to the mother’s dance with your actual mother,

I know what it’s like to want to call and talk on the phone with my mother when feeling down,

I know what it’s like to sit on the sidelines and see friends interacting with their mother and feeling left out even with them doing the best that they can to make me apart of their family.

Through it all I have kept most of my true feelings to myself because at the end of the day, I do not have a mother who is here in the physical but I am not lacking in spirit.  God knows what the plan he has for my life, and it would be unappreciative of me to act as if the ‘mothers’ I do have do not mean a lot to me.  I may not have my birth mother, but God has placed other women in my life who are like a mother to help me.

So if you, are like me in the sense of not having a physical mother here on earth (no matter the reason), but have women in your life that can be that mother figure make sure you take the time out to thank them.

Feel free to share with me if you would like! 🙂


Meet Brittany Polk!

Name and Location

Britany Polk

1.    What is your passion in life?

My passion is to be a successful creative director/designer/stylist lol.  I love helping people, especially when it involves clothing and accessory choices.

2.    What is your current job?

I currently work as an accounting assistant in a law firm.  This by no means is my career.  It’s that “I needed a job out of college and this is what I came up with” instance.  I received my Masters in Integrated Marketing Communications and am looking to utilize that degree in the creative field.  So now I am on a serious job hunt (anyone in the Chicago area can definitely forward me any job openings if you hear of anything lol).

3.    Do you own your own business? If so, what is the name and the mission? 

I did take a leap of faith and launched my own business called Luxcheri, pronounced “luxury” with Cheri being my middle name.   Right now it is a compilation of handmade jewelry and accessories along with vintage jewelry.  I plan to add my own clothing line and reconstructed/thrifted vintage clothing, but I am starting small first in order to build a solid customer base.  The mission is to provide unique options for anyone’s styling needs, whether it’s with jewelry or clothing.  I am all about one-of-a-kind pieces because it allows people to express their personal style without being cookie cutter.

4. Did you have any fears when first starting your business?

I have what you call kakorrhaphiophobia, fear of failing.  I know I am not the only one.  Sometimes, that gets the best of my and like in so many past projects, I would just give up.  But this time, I am like, what the heck, if I fail, at least I tried and I can always try again until I succeed.  After all success is nothing without failure.  So this time in my endeavors, I am really pushing myself to go beyond the limits and just produce things that I like and stick with it, good or bad.

5. Did you have any insecurities when first starting your own business?

Yes!! I always get this feeling that people will not like what I produce and that scares me.  Often times, I hold back more in those instances rather than just letting it be.  I put a lot of time, energy, and thought into the pieces I create, so just like anyone else, I always want to hear good feedback.  But I have realized everyone rocks to the rhythm of their own drum, so I have to understand some people will like it and some people won’t.  I just make sure I go hard for those who do like it.

6.    Describe your brand in one word.

Powerful

7.    Do you have any past failures that you can tell what you did to learn from them?

I have failed many times, so it’s hard to pick just one instance, but if I had to pick one, it would be not going for my dream in the beginning.  What I mean by that is, I wish I would have followed my heart when deciding on college.  Don’t get me wrong, college is and has been very great to me, but I just wish I would have went to fashion school instead of the traditional college.  I let people get into my head saying it’s going to be hard, not enough money, blah, blah, blah.  If I had followed my own heart, I think I would have been better off.  So I would consider that a failure, not following my own heart.  But now I try to listen to my gut instincts and just go for what I like instead of letting others persuade me.

8. Who are your target consumers? Would you want to change this?

Urban professionals are my target consumer.  I don’t think I would change this.  I think urban professionals have a lot of purchasing power, which is a very good thing.

9.    What inspires you?

This is a hard question because it is literally everything from color to art or even random people on the bus or walking down the street as I go to work.  I love looking at things and picking them apart to see what else it can become.

10. Who inspires you?

I have a few people who inspire me.

My mom – for her creativity and sense of style.  I learned a lot from her.

My pooh Felix – for his motivation, drive, and positive reinforcement that actually helped me jump start my business.

Aunt Bonita – the most outgoing and creative woman you’ll ever meet. She keeps it real all the time and she’s herself without any regrets.

Andrea aka Peachie – She is a very influential and inspirational person in my life as she is a young entrepreneur who has really been a mentor to me in helping me start my journey.

11. What is always at the back of your mind?

I am always trying to figure out what’s next and how can I make it unique.  Everyone and their momma create jewelry or clothing to some capacity and what I don’t ever want to do is copy or mimic someone else.  I always want it to be a reflection of me.  I have found that hard as some of the bracelets I create are similar to other designers, and that is one of the main reasons I decided to expand outside of that.  I like things to be my own.  Of course if my customers ask for something, I make it happen, but I always try to put my own twist on things.

12. What do you want to change about your job or career right now? 

The monotony.  I like to be moving around, not stuck at a desk entering in data all day, and that’s pretty much what I do.  It becomes very hard on some days when there is absolutely nothing to do.  I want a job that I actually look forward to going to everyday.  But as of now, I have to be thankful that I have a job.

13. What advice do you have for others?

Go for what you know and what you like.  Once you get that mindset, nothing can really stop you at that point.

14. How do you motivate yourself?

I look at my current situation and ask myself is this what I want to be doing in the next 5, 10, 15 years and then I kick it into high tail gear and start sketching and creating.  I want to enjoy my life, not be a negative Nancy about why nothing is going right.  You have to enjoy life.

15. Did you have any obstacles that you overcame to get to where you are now?

I think during this whole process, I have had to become more talkative.  I tend to be a tad quiet and very modest/shy when it comes to projects I am working on or am a part of. It’s weird because a part of me does like the limelight, and then the other part is like, no it’s too much.  But I definitely have been coming out of my shell more and that’s pretty big for me.

16. Where can we find you on the web?

I am working on getting my website together as we speak. The launch  date was suppose to be on August 17th, an ode to my mother for her birthday, but there have been some technical difficulties that have come up. So I am planning to launch in a couple of weeks.  I at least hope to be running on August 31.

Website: www.shopluxcheri.com

Instagram: luxcheri

Twitter: @luxcheri

Blog: www.luxcheri.blogspot.com