Embracing Who You TRULY Are

When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see?

When you look into your eyes, do you like what you see?

When someone else looks at you, do you get uncomfortable?

When you look at someone else, do you wish you looked like them?

When will YOU be enough for YOU?

Remember the old school saying: “You must love yourself before someone else can love you”

This saying should always be at the fore front of your life because it is true.

  • I remember at 7 years old at school being made fun of because I was in the bathroom putting on a pad and my classmates looking under and over the stalls laughing at pointing at me.
  • I remember being 9 years old being called a pizza face because I had severe acne and one of my “close friends” being the main one to start that laughter.
  • I remember being 13 years old sensing something was different about me because I was sitting next to my best friend and feeling a sensation in my body that I knew would get me in trouble.
  • I remember being 17 years old sneaking my high school boyfriend in the house while my grandmother was at work, learning the art of faking a orgasm, and being into men.
  • I also remember the pain I felt on the inside.. the lie I was creating would haunt me until I became strong enough to face the adversity that many LGBT members face..
  • I remember crying myself to sleep.
  • I remember hating the way I looked.

I also remember going to the mirror the same night that I tried to commit suicide and feeling a calm flow over me. I believe it was God talking to me saying that I was enough.

I was beautiful.

I was not left over trash.

I deserved to be me in the light and in the dark.

 

At 19 years old a true transformation took over for me. I started thinking positive. I started saying positive things to myself. I started dealing with childhood issues and the fact that I was lying to myself denying the attraction that I had to women. I got back to volunteering, and I prepared myself for what was to come.

Empowering is something that I do through my story.

You never know what someone is going through or what someone one has gone though previously.   Do your best to keep a positive flow through out your life. Once negative starts to flow, it will be in charge before you know it. Don’t let the negative things; people, and places take control.

End friendships if you have to.. You must be in control of what you want to deal will. If you have a negative perception of yourself, figure out why. You were born to be you, and no one else.

 

So again…

When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see?

When you look into your eyes, do you like what you see?

When someone else looks at you, do you get uncomfortable?

When you look at someone else, do you wish you looked like them?

When will YOU be enough for YOU?

 


Day 30:

Your highs and lows of this month:

Highs:

Spending time with and getting to know the real personality of my friend (let’s call her Hazel Eyes).

Coming to grips with my finances and TRULY working on getting them together.

Having insurance to handle doctor appointments and the such.

Applying to a Gender Studies Certificate Program which is the lead way to a PH.D program .

Getting a WONDERFUL recommendation from my supervisor at CHS when I thought/felt that she hadn’t noticed any of my growth since being hired.

Started therapy. Again.

Had my first ‘party’  strategically named “Javania’s Get Together and you know I made a hashtag.. LoL

Found out that I am having a new nephew!!!! 🙂

Figuring out and accepting my niche for my business.

Lows:

Seeing the actual number figure of said messed up financial issues.

Finding out that I failed the most important class of my Graduate Program and not getting my diploma until I retake.

Got VERY annoyed that my closest friends were not in attendance at said party.

Came to terms that I am in the position because I am not truly listening to what God is telling me.

 

As you can see I did not have many lows this month which is a blessing. I enjoyed doing this challenge and I really liked doing this particular post.  I will like to incorporate a HIGHS/LOWS post monthly so that I can see in writing that I am blessed beyond measure! (no matter how much I think I am not at times).  I am still working on getting the new site built, it’s actually almost done but I had some financial setbacks but no worries, it will be done soon and I cannot wait to reveal!! If you missed out on the challenge, have no worries you can start the 30 days whenever you want to.. Just click on the link below to get Sunny’s explanation 🙂

Want to find out more about the challenge? Check out Spoken Words & Thoughts.