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“every since i’ve come out i’ve always been in a relationship or talking to someone. i’ve never experienced being single. and i don’t know how. like i know i want to learn how to be by myself and not have someone to answer to, cuddle with, talk on the phone. i want to learn how to be about ME, not me and whoever i’m involve with. what are the first steps i can take to learning to be by myself and happy? i know this story is everywhere but i hope you get what i’m trying to say lol”

My Answer:

You have to learn how to LOVE YOU. When you are constantly in a relationship you are not getting to know who you really are. You are picking up habits from other people that you start to think are your own habits. I say go on a strike. A strike of not having sex or dating for a while to get to know who you are. Take yourself on dates, go to the movies alone, go out to eat alone, journal what you do on these solo dates. That is the best way to finding out who you are. And as far as not answering to others… Just don’t answer. You owe no one a explanation when you are single. If you really want to take the time out to get to know who you are the end all correspondence with others who will not understand that you are not in the position to date or kick it, or cuddle. Become your own date, and enjoy doing so.
Side note: I’ve done this and it was the best thing I ever did.

Hope this helps you and if you have any more questions feel free to ask.

Take Care..

God is Love,

Javania Michelle Webb, MHP

“Empowering Through Experience”: Speaker on Worth Seeking, Inspirational Speaking, and Empowerment Teaching

3 Replies to ““Ask Javania” Question”

  1. The answer is so on-point. Only when you take time out to learn and love YOU can you really genuinely love someone else. You will know your expectations and your limitations, and that will help your relationships be all the more better. ~Godd luck, and blessings to you!

  2. I definitely agree. You need to give yourself space between relationships to learn who you are apart from the person that you just ended things with. My friend has been in a relationship since she was 17…never a break in between. She is 40 now. I don’t believe that this is healthy at all. Take time to discover yourself.

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