I let this book sit in my amazon cart for three months because I was afraid to read what it said. As someone who has and is still dealing with sexual abuse in the family I knew this book would hit home. I kept telling myself that I did not need to read it because I already knew what it would say, and I felt that it would lead me into a depression. I would also tell myself that I can just look in the mirror and see the effects of being molested as a child.
I like to consider myself being an open book, but I have not shared with you all the worst part of self sabotaging while in college. Yes, I have shared that I tried to commit suicide in college but the spiral I went down afterwards. I was free and I “prided” myself on being strong. Strong I was not, I was running and hiding from a lot and I felt that I could hide it more by participating in sex. I felt that if I continually had sex with guys my attraction to women would go away.
So have sex I did, and I would sit in my bed crying myself to sleep after having sex, not because I was having sex out-of-wedlock but because I was trying to avoid the reality of the situation. I would feel disgusted with myself and I hated looking the mirror and I projected my insecurities onto others. I would lie to friends about what I was doing and I would get into arguments with roommates so that I could be left alone. To me facing reality and dealing with others meant that I would have to tell the truth to myself and that is not something I felt comfortable doing. My school work suffered, I gained MANY pounds. Food and alcohol became my therapy and I acted as if everything was okay, until my world came crashing down.
I am halfway through this book and will do a full review after I am done. I am LOVING what I am reading so far. I have had a couple of sad times, but the will final story for me and these women in the book will not end in sadness but empowerment.